New Year, Seeking Balance

 Happy New Year! It's been a hell of a 2022, but now it's 2023, so onward and upward! I thought to go into this new, improved blog, as part of my goal of looking inward, and feeling my feelings this year; a thing I've opted out of for the past few. But not feeling my feelings, staying busy, skating through activities, and escaping into social media or just spinning my wheels hasn't worked very well for me. 

2022 was a year of health crisis for me. I was diagnosed with Patellofemoral arthritis, a painful condition that kind of sidelined me for a few months. I did PT, used ice and Voltaren gel in copious amounts, and have been kind of swinging between pushing through the pain and feeling better. I fell off the yoga mat, in a big way. I gained weight, around 15 lbs, which made a big difference in how messed up my knee was. I developed high(er) blood pressure. My body started to fall apart. 

My dr. and I had a big coming to Jesus, and I've made a plan to try and regain some semblance of normality again. Depression sucks, and it has sucked the life out of me. I'm more or less working the plan now, and am on blood pressure meds, with weekly remote monitoring self-checks, working on improving my sleep and diet. Undoing a couple of Pandemic years of eating my feelings takes time. Still, I'm optimistic, and a little scared. Life is scarier for me than it used to be. Maybe this is what happens as one ages. 

I've been winding down the year with a sort of mantra in mind for the upcoming one. Build the world you want to live in. I've been whispering it to myself, as I clean the house, read tarot, cook healthier food, do dishes, train my dog, and ride out my Christmas COVID gift. I think it might be a theme for me this year.

 I'm healthier now; I tested positive for COVID on December 18. It was kind of a part-time job, notifying all my recent contacts; I'd been at work, unmasked, to parties, unmasked, hugging and slopping sugar all over my people. BOOM! I got sick, went down hard, Pat got sick, went down less hard, and we cancelled Christmas travel plans, which was sort of a relief, to be honest. I gave myself permission to sleep, read, knit, drink tea, and little else. I slept in the guest bedroom-cum-sewing room-cum-houseplant haven for 10 days, and honestly, it didn't suck. I like sleeping alone, the light in that room is great, and the mattress is a better one than in our shared marital bed. Which brings me to today. 

Today is New Year's Day, and I'm trying hard not to lose my mind with new rules, resolutions, and expectations. I do want to crawl back on the yoga mat, and I signed up for Adriene's 30-day yoga challenge. Asana makes me feel better, and my body needs to stretch. I'm trying to eat better, and write more, and I hope to continue that.  I went to church for the first time since February of 2020, and walked the labyrinth. I am working, incrementally, on setting up my bullet journal for 2023, and just as incrementally, clean up my office. I walked Freddie a couple of mines. I plied some more yarn, texted friends, and made some black-eyed pea and kale soup. I'm going to call my mom, and then, I think I might just try and go to bed early again. Building the world I want to live in is work, and requires good nutrition and sleep, or read myself to sleep...

Year goals? I'll put them here: 

- to retire from my day job

- to improve my health

- to sell my truck

- to start swimming, paddling, and cycling again

- to journal more, and in doing so, feel my feelings again

- to build the world I want to live in. 

Namaste.